Twin Mum diary
Hello and welcome to a glimpse into the chaotic shambles that I
call my life... it's more of an unnerving stare rather than a glimpse,
so I apologise in advance for it being so long! I am Frankie, 36,
married to Paul also 36 and we have B/G twins Erik and Lily who
are just over 3 years old .We live in the centre of Amsterdam and
have done for 7 years
As I wrote about my week I realized I play a variety of roles in
my life
There is mainly the Fern Brittan Role - plump mother of twins who
watches others cook but fears the kitchen itself (not planning to
run off with a celeb chef just yet)
I have the Vanessa Felts role (in her flab to fab period...I am
still at the flab part)
And I have my work role of Valerie Singleton -plummy over accented
home counties teacher of small children - "sing laouder Daurhling
". I teach music and art to tots and mums -I was an early years
teacher before I had my twins.
Saturday
Its 1am and I am still awake due to over intake of red wine and
snoring husband by my side. Our close friends Vicki and James have
only just left - we spend every Friday night setting the world to
rights and watching a video and eating takeaway till the early hours
with them. I am exhausted and dh is really jeopardizing my beauty
sleep. Jab him roughly a few times then moisturize my feet in attempt
to relax myself...can never sleep with dry feet.
2.15am - woken by Lily – it's a nightmare about spiders - I lumber
in and try to do sensitive brushing of imaginary spiders from pillow
- cuddle and settle and then go back to jab husband and moisturize
feet again
Up again at 7am after the pair of rascals have played nicely in
their room for half an hour... however a couple of disputes have
broken out and I drag myself from my warm duvet
I am a woman of routine so take it as given that every morning
I will unpack the dishwasher, do breakfast and feed the mad cats
and get the coffee machine on. Paul does not face the morning well
without a coffee placed in his hand .As it's Saturday I do the customary
run down the street with bin bags and dressing gown flapping after
the bin lorry....wave at the driver - he is a father of quads.
Enjoy a morning playing with the children then get Paul up at 10
then I am into my Vanessa Felts role. My English girlfriend and
neighbour Victoria who is freshly engaged comes down and we get
off for our hour exercise regime round the local park.
We are following a punishing regime set for me by my sadisitcal
personal trainer Justine - more about her later but to help us get
through the hour we talk wedding plans
Home and shower then unusually dash off again for a lunch with
the ladies who I run the play centre with. In March I set up a play
centre with another woman - but she is going back to the States
for next 3 months to give birth to her second child and we have
to run through the plans with the 6 ladies who have volunteered
to help us through this. I teach the music and art classes for mums
and toddlers in the centre.
Lunch is gorgeous and very sumptuous with the wine flowing and
I get back on my bike feeling quite sozzled At home I find Paul
and the kids in the garden. They are blowing bubbles and he is trimming
the lawn with a pair of kitchen scissors – He is very protective
of the grass after laying new turf 4 weeks ago but this is rather
obsessive I feel.- and he gets miffed if the children get any sand
from pit on it !!
We spend the afternoon doing some shopping - D.I.Y and food shopping.
We take a child each and it's fun and easy. I have Lily first and
we do our D.I.Y shopping and then pop in to the chemist for a girly
look at nail varnish and Lily talks me into buying a new sparkly
hairbrush for her. Then I meet up with Paul, switch and Erik and
I go to the paint shop to get some bright concoction for the garden
bench. We spend half an hour watching the machine mixing the paint
and I have to cajole him away.
6pm Paul does the dinner and I bath the children. We put them bed
at 7pm. they have been so easy and good today - we feel lucky.
My job for tonight after clearing up and doing the washing is to
check in with twinsclub then I have to clean and sort out all the
toys. We have a very open plan apartment and the toys are taking
over and doing my head in. I pop out for a few ciggies with Paul
Check children and then drop into bed at midnight with the fab
knowledge that its my lie in tomorrow. Moisturize feet and suddenly
remember I meant to buy ear plugs today to keep husband's snoring
at bay arggghhhhhh
Sunday
Arhhhh a luxurious lie in until 10 am and then Paul brings me a
cuppa and some breakfast. Drag myself to the living room and enjoy
chatting to Erik and Lily while I drink my tea and they watch a
video.
I do several loads of washes and drying
We are going to a birthday do today however it's not the usual
riotous birthday party thing which pleases Paul no end. Alice has
planned a lunch for the adults and a small tea party for 5 children.
We all cycle over to their very chic apartment near Dam square
and enjoy a very lovely laid back party. The children enjoy the
extensive array of dressing up clothes that Alice has got for Emilie
for her birthday and there is even an ice-cream birthday cake that
impresses my two no end.
Alice is pregnant again and her husband is telling Paul that they
have been for a 3d scan and know the sex but don't want to tell
anyone. I go for a sneaky ciggie on the balcony and Alice comes
out to chat and by the time I finish she has cracked and wants to
discuss boys' names with me. She is at a loss to find anything that
matches her Dutch surname (pronounced like you have a huge lump
of phlegm at the back of your throat). We spend the afternoon trying
to find a good name and picking at lovely food while the children
run riot.
Erik and Lily do not really want to leave but the party bag and
the idea that we can use our new bath paints that we got yesterday
at the chemist get them into the bike.
Chaotic messy bath time but lots of laughter followed by a meagre
dinner and eventually bedtime. Evening spent washing too many clothes
and organizing my files for work
Monday
back to the daily grind although Monday is my quiet day - up at
6.45 am and get Paul up by 8am for work
Start the day with 5 km walk with engaged neighbour - more wedding
plans and lots of sweat
Dress children by 9 (a challenge in itself some days ) and cycle
them to the weekly flower market nearby to get bedding plants for
garden - keep forgetting to water the existing ones so am hoping
they will club together and make me feel the need to nurture them
en masse
Meet friend who is clawing her way through IVF and we cry into
our coffee (she is having a lot of disappointments and setbacks)
and watch my two play on the sparse patch that passes as a playground
in the city
After lunch I decided to make my life even harder and have signed
Erik and Lily for Ballet classes - but they are on the suburbs and
we have to go 50 minutes by metro to get there.
As usual am running late and the lift is broken at metro station
so drag poor kids and pram down 4 flights of steps - no body offers
any assistance and I feel aggressive when I eventually reach the
classes. Luckily my closest friend Ann is also at ballet - Her twins
are a month younger than E and L
The teacher - an archetypal ballet teacher - sinewy and blond with
leg warmers but with lots of wrinkles (I am pleased to notice) insists
the mums join in. I feel like a heffalump and the floor to ceiling
mirrors upset me intensely.
Erik and Lily love the prancing and get lots of praise - I get
lots of stern looks for pulling faces at Ann in our reflection and
for laughing at her clown dancing - I am obviously not taking ballet
classes seriously enough for Miss Carole
Erik s comment on the metro home - "Look mummy there is a strange
fat man sitting next to me" I promise promise promise I tried to
keep a straight face
Evening job for tonight is the bloody bills and paperwork - interspersed
with too many ciggies and unnecessary phone calls. In bed by midnight
after checking angels and moisturizing feet
Tuesday
A busy day ahead - up and out to Justine's by 8.30am
Justine is a gorgeous antipodean mother of twins - superwoman personified.
Her twins are a year younger than mine and she is so incredibly
fit it makes you sick.
Actually she scares the pants off me. She is my personal trainer
- sounds very posh - like I live like Edina from Ab Fab but actually
I swap favours with her- Her children come to my music and art classes
for free and I get put through my paces for 4 hours a week and I
would like to say I get the better deal - but Justine is a sadist
and works me to the limit - I am begging for mercy at each visit
Erik and Lily play in the playroom with her two while I am whipped
into shape.
Every month she weighs and measures me. I will not reveal weight
but this month I have lost 6 cms from my waist!!!!!
The children and I ride to the market - I am jubilant with my measurements
and we have a lovely hour getting fruit and veg and looking at all
the interesting things with the children
Once home we do lunch then its time for my classes. Today is my
last toddler classes before the summer break and I have "planned"
a party. Truth is I have not even thought about what we will do
but I have bought a cake. As we cycle madly to the play centre (am
late again) I run through a few ideas. I am in a panic and hide
to smoke 2 ciggies before the class starts.
I transform into Valerie Singleton for a couple of hours. "Now
I ‘m a little teapot everyone" - that sort of thing. It's raucous
and just as I imagine hell to be really. But the mums and children
seem to enjoy it. Having Lily and Erik there with me adds a twist
as I have to juggle being a mum and directing the class and it gets
fraught .
Half way through ring a ring a roses I start to drift off and imagining
Caribbean holidays because reality is starting to be difficult to
take!!!
My pupils bring lots of gifts to thank me and I am cheered up no
end.
I cycle home with Ann - we do create a strange sight - Me with
my bakfiets ( transport bike ) and her with her special wheel barrow
style bakfiets and all our twins. We enjoy the cycle and gossip
like mad - I speak to Ann every day - sometimes 3 times. I was introduced
to her when our twins were 5 and 4 months respectively and have
been through an awful lot together. Our husbands' joke that we are
the other women in their lives. Ann is threatening to move back
to the UK soon... if she does I will be devastated
Home late 5.30 and ruin dinner straight away as am trying to chat
to my sister on the phone at same time as cooking. Dinner is always
a difficult time - the children do not eat well at the moment and
there is a lot of cajoling and messing around. I feel tense and
tired but Paul is great and takes over. He takes the children for
a wash and I clear way and then settle down to read the British
Sunday papers.
Things in the bathroom get hectic and Lily has a screaming tantrum
about not getting first to the bedroom and for the last half and
hour it is sheer madness.
Eventually everyone is calmed down and peace reigns again. I read
the story and then it's a quick easy bed time
My job for the evening is meant to be sorting out the office but
I am shattered and have a head ache. Paul and I agree to have an
early night and after cleaning the kitchen and sorting out a wash
and checking out twins club I go to bed - Its 10 pm already. I do
watch bit of telly in bed and moisturize my feet of course
Wednesday
Usual routine this morning - and out for walk with Victoria - More
wedding details to assimilate but it keeps my mind off the rain
that's dripping down my back .
The children are coming down with colds and the mad cat bought
a mouse in last night and I spent a least an hour trying to find
the mouse and flush it out at 3am. Fear of unfound mouse scuttling
across my face kept me awake further. Needless to husband snored
through it all
So the children and I have a quiet morning playing with the playdough.
Lunch then take the children to Peuterspeelzaal - Playgroup for
you English .I always feel like a fish out of water there and my
Dutch is poor but passable but the children do enjoy it. I drop
them off then cycle like the wind to the playcentre for my last
Baby music classes. Yes yes late again
Much more sedate afternoon - baby music is much more knee joggy
and baby twirling and much more toned down than yesterday.
Torrential rain greets me as I cycle back to get the children and
within 20 minutes I am soaked to my knickers. I struggle to erect
the ‘little house on the prairie' rain cover which fits over the
bike to keep the children dry and then drip into the playgroup to
collect the gorgeous duo.
Dinner is another torrid affair. If I ever meet Annabel Karmel
I will put aside my life long belief in pacifism - I promise Lily's
quote from bath time is a corker - she points to her nipples and
says " look at these mummy - they give honey"
Wednesday is Paul's and mine designated evening out and as I pointed
out before I am a woman of routine so once our babysitter arrives
we always go to our friends house for wine and a kneb at their exotic
sky telly
Gawp at BB5 (seriously worrying) and supernanny ( very interesting
)
Catch up on the single no children gossip of which were once part
of and drink tequila (actually that's a lie but that's what I wish
I could drink)..It's usually glasses of red and then a cuppa. We
cycle home quite drunk and enjoy a rain free evening ride along
the beautifully lit canals of the city
Thursday
God I bet you never wished you started reading this now... why does
it feel so quick in real life ?
I'll try and be quick
Horrific 2 hour training at Justine's - it is mostly a silent time
as I am too scared to chat to her while doing the exercises as I
find she loses count and makes me do double and when I am on the
cross trainer machine I am too focussed on getting through every
minute that I can hardly speak . I just mutter obscenities about
her under my breath... she takes it as a compliment that she is
working me hard enough. I spend the time wondering how her jogging
pants stay up and where her stretch marks are - do I sound bitter
and twisted?
Then down to Tunfun with all the children where we meet Ann and
a few other friends. Tunfun is a renovated subway tunnel that is
now an inside large soft play thing - it is chaos and you have to
have eyes everywhere - the children go wild and we go demented.
Afternoon is playgroup again and I get an afternoon free – well
free of children but of course the house is crying for my attention.
Thursday is cleaning day and luckily I have Anna a fab Polish lady
who comes over for 3 hours and we clean together. Our place is not
big but blinking heck it needs a sorting and it takes the pair of
us to get it with in the realms of normality rather than an impression
of Wayne and Waynetta slobs pad. Bless Anna nothing ever fazes her
-Although each week I push her limits of incredulity.
Collect children - try chit chat in Dutch and then try cooking
a palatable meal - probably fail at both but don't give stuff tonight.
Evening I have a bath in the lovely clean bathroom and argue with
husband about taking the pram to England and make copious notes
about what to pack. Spend a sleepless night worrying about our holiday
next week.
Friday
Of course we start with the 5km walk - did I mention that I have
to text Justine every time I do this walk and pass her apartment
so that she can check I am doing it... I wish I had never told her
I was integrally lazy .Victoria's wedding plans are becoming more
complicated and some how I have been roped in to make bridal bouquet
and make the place names for reception (must be more careful about
what I agree to!)
Lovely morning spent making brownies with the children and then
an horrific hour trying to resist eating them all and surveying
the mess we created. Luckily Erik and Lily also enjoy doing washing
up... and I just mop the floor as it slops over the edge of the
counter.
Today is the last day of playgroup before the summer holidays and
all the parents are invited for an end of term Borrel - drink in
English - at 4pm. So between dropping the children off at 2pm I
have 2 hours to myself
I pop to the doctors for a long overdue appointment - My doctor
had twins 10 months ago and we swap notes. She is very together
- I really think I was not that together when mine were 10 months.
Actually it's surprising how many people I know with twins now I
have my own. I only knew of people who knew people with twins before
I had Erik and Lily - isn't life so wonderfully odd like that?
I sneak in a coffee with a girlfriend and pop to H and M to get
Lily and Erik a ballet outfit each for next Monday then go on to
the dreaded Drinks thing at the playgroup .
I have made the effort and changed into some smart clothes and
put on some lippy.
I am feeling good about myself due to all my training.
The drinks event is truly awful. I feel like such an outsider and
such a dunce. The other parents do try with me but a lot of them
have decided that it is wrong to speak to me in English as it just
exacerbates my lack of Dutch. So they have made an agreement to
help me by only speaking in Dutch - and in principle I agree with
this - I do need this to improve. But I can only chit chat for so
long and my vocabulary runs out. My neighbour and close friend Marianna
is there too but I feel like a school girl stalker always sticking
by her side... so I do my best to mingle and look interested. But
I hate this. I spend most of the time playing with all the children
as this is where I feel comfortable. I decide to leave after having
obviously made a cultural faux pas by buying the playgroup teachers
a present each from the children. The other mums shoot daggers at
me... Maybe I am setting a bad precedent or maybe its patronizing
rather than grateful. I leave cursing myself and wanting a big hole
to swallow me up... its only when I get home that I discover I have
HUGE gaping hole in my jeans – right in the crotch and my shiny
cheap red pants have been having a rather public airing - OH THE
SHAME - thank god everyone has 6 weeks to forget it
And so we come full circle. Vicki and James come round for our
Friday night entertainment. Erik and Lily love them and want to
wear their new ballet clothes and show them their new ballet moves
. Its quite a performance and I feel so proud of them remembering
so much after just one session and for being so enthusiastic and
wonderful.
I just can't imagine life without Erik and Lily and feel like
they make everything worthwhile.
Read about
Emma's week
What was your week like ?
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